Dear “Nice Guys”,
To those guys who constantly complain about being “friend zoned”. Or those guys who are always bemoaning the fact that women “love assholes”. Or the ones who wail about how much money you spend on that girl who “won’t even put out”. Or the ones who “joke” constantly about how much better off we’d be with you than with our boyfriends or girlfriends. This one’s for you.
I have a secret for you. You may have been told this before, but if so, you didn’t take it seriously. I’m dead serious. I want you to know that the women in your life DO NOT OWE YOU A SINGLE FUCKING THING. Yes, I am aware that on the Internet all caps means I’m yelling. I am actually yelling. I’m yelling because I am so sick of you implying that being kind to a women means that you should possess her. I am so sick of hearing that you being nice to a woman means that you should get something in return. Most of all, I am sick of hearing what a “nice guy’ you are. Let me be clear: you are not a nice guy.
Let me break this down for you so you really get what I’m saying. If you’re pretending to be a nice guy to get a girlfriend or get laid, then you are not actually a nice guy. You are manipulative. This is just as bad as the guys who are outright awful to women. Now you’re probably like “No way! Stop overreacting!” Let me tell you why it’s just as bad.
That woman you’re being kind to is probably really happy that a guy is being kind to her without any expectations. Walking through this world as a woman means that everyone has expectations, especially men. Worse than that, many men assume that women are on this Earth to meet their expectations. Most men would never say this. Some don’t even realize that they believe this, but our culture has subtly trained them to believe that women exist for their benefit. So, it is incredibly refreshing when a man wants to interact with us because they like us as people, not because they want something. That woman you are being kind to because you want something from her believes that you are different. If you’re not then you are lying straight to her face every single time you interact with her. I cannot describe to you the heartbreak that occurs when a woman finds out that her “best guy friend” is in love with her or just wants to sleep with her. It’s a betrayal beyond words. Trust me, it’s happened to me more times than I’d like to admit.
Let me tell you another secret that you probably won’t believe. Ready for it? Women do not love dating assholes. Along those lines, women do not love being treated like shit. All women want to be treated with love and respect by men. All women go in to relationships hoping they will be treated with love and respect by men even if all signs point to this not being true. The problem is not that women love assholes and love being treated like shit. The problem is that we live in a society where women are so often treated like shit that they don’t really expect anything better. Women are made to feel less than and worthless on a daily basis, so when a man treats them this way in a relationship they often don’t know to expect better. If they do know to expect better, they often think that their love will be enough to change the man. Too many women never find out this is false. So don’t tell me that women make a conscious choice to love assholes. Read one single book about feminism and try to understand why women don’t believe they have any choice but to love an asshole.
Lastly, do not ever, ever tell me again what a nice guy you are and why being with you would be better than being with someone else. I chose to be with someone else for a reason and that reason is none of your damn business. If you’re actually a nice guy, you’ll accept that and be a kind and respectful friend because that’s who you are. If you’re not actually a nice guy then kindly fuck off.
All Women Everywhere